Just cropdusted the office
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
