why do cheetos always look like penises
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
