How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
