I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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