he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
