dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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