What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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