just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
