i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I got inside last night via doggy door
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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