Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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