I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Randomize