I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
