sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
