i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
