I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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