I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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