fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize