why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
