hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
