i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize