love makes seman taste better
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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