We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
