I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
