my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
