Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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