best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
