hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
