Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
