I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize