You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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