Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am mentally ready for anal.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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