If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
