I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
