glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
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no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
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Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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