I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
