I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
