So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
