is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ladies don't puke and tell
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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