I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
