I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
