Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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