i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
