Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
