Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm having to shit out rocks
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