Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
