She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize