She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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