So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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