I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
PS: I just woke up from my shower
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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