Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
