I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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