Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
