My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
being pregnant is like rehab
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
