so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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