No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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