Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize