I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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