My friends, they love my intelligence
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
