I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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