He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize