plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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