I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
