I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
