Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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