mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
