Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
