Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
