I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
